


We Can Both Watch X-Files

by Chash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:42:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8562514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Clarke's not really good at the whole comfort thing, so when Bellamy's girlfriend moves, her only idea to cheer him up is to watch weird porn together.
She wasn't expecting it to become a tradition, but these things happen.





	

Clarke does not, generally, consider herself to be an incredibly comforting person. It's just not one of her strong suits. When bad things happen to her friends, she calls in Bellamy, because Bellamy is practically a professional comforter. He knows all the tricks, and, even better, he tells Clarke what to do, so instead of feeling useless and cold-hearted, she can help.

All of this, unfortunately, goes out the window when Bellamy is the one who needs someone to take care of him. 

It doesn't happen very often; Bellamy hates people feeling sorry for him. But when Gina moves out of town, he's really (justifiably) upset, and Clarke doesn't know exactly how to help. He's on her couch with a beer, and even _Parks and Rec_ isn't getting him to crack a smile.

She's not sure why she says, "Did you know seventies porn is ridiculous?"

Bellamy picks his head up and cocks it at her. "Uh, I never really thought about it. Did you know you suck at subject changes?"

"Yeah, I absolutely knew that. I'm just saying--have you ever seen, like, _Debbie Does Dallas_? It's absurd. We should watch that."

"I have so many follow-up questions here." He sits up straighter, gives her a critical look. "First, why have _you_ seen so much seventies porn, and second, why do you want to watch it with me?"

"One of my friends in high school found her dad's porn stash and we watched some at a sleepover. It was just, like--so weird. And hilarious."

"God, you suck at this," he says, but his voice is fond. "Do you even _have_ seventies porn?"

"I bet I can buy it online."

"You're going to pay for porn? Do I look that upset?"

"I'm a law-abiding citizen, Bellamy. If I can get it legally, I will. Also, I don't want to get viruses on my computer."

"I can't believe this is actually your solution to my breakup."

"It's going to be fun," she says, firm, and it actually _is_. It's as ridiculous as she remembered, which is a relief; she was a little worried that it would have just been high-school, when none of them had ever had sex and the very idea was absurd and taboo, but everyone has terrible hair and the "plot" is as ludicrous as it is perfunctory, so it works out pretty well. She and Bellamy heckle it like they'd heckle any B-movie, and the mood is light enough that there's no danger of her getting turned on.

After, Bellamy leans his head against hers, still smiling. "That actually really helped."

"It's almost like I'm good at this."

"Yeah, no. Don't get carried away. You're still shitty at this." She's going to protest, but he squeezes her hand. "But thanks."

"Any time."

It's supposed to be a meaningless platitude, the kind of thing he'll never take her up on. Not that she'd _mind_ , if he needed another pick-me-up, but it just seemed unlikely.

Then, he starts living with Murphy.

Murphy is, not to put too fine a point on it, a fucking weirdo. He's a bartender at the place where Bellamy's ex-girlfriend used to work, which means he works nights and Bellamy almost never has to interact with him, which is for the best, because every time Clarke sees him, he seems to either be high or just kind of generally confused and belligerent. But he manages to pay his rent and Bellamy hasn't actually murdered him yet, so Clarke figures he's a decent enough roommate. As randomly selected roommates go.

They've been living together for four months when Bellamy calls her to come over.

"Why?" she asks, wary.

"I just found the best thing ever," he says, and he sounds so genuinely excited that she doesn't try any further objections.

"You know if it's a website, you can just email it to me, right?" she asks, when he opens the door. 

"Not a website. Murphy's porn."

"You might be the first person in history who's excited to find their roommate's porn. Why are you excited? And why am I your go-to person when you find porn?"

"Who else would be?" he asks. "You're the one who decided that porn was an effective way to deal with my breakups. I'm not going to share this bounty with anyone else."

"Yeah, you're right. I'd definitely be offended if you did." She pauses. "How did you find Murphy's porn?"

"That's the thing, I wasn't even looking. He left his music on when he went to work, so I went into his room to turn it off, and the porn is just there, on his bookshelf. Like, he has a special shelf just for porn. That's what we're looking at her. No shame."

"He has a _porn shelf_?"

"Exactly. Come on."

Clarke would feel a little bad sneaking into Bellamy's roommate's room to look at his porn, but--she's really, really curious. And Murphy should know what he's getting into. There's an expectation of privacy with roommates, but if you really don't want someone to see your porn, you can hide it. Or just keep it on your computer, like a normal person.

If you have a shelf full of porn DVDs, you need to understand that people might see it.

"It's all weird parody porn," Bellamy says. "We have to watch some. There's a _Lord of the Rings_ one."

"Is that male-male porn, or did they just add female characters?"

"Just added female characters, I think. But I think there's some male-male stuff in there. He seems pretty undiscriminating."

"I'm proud of your roommate for his open-minded porn consumption."

"Yeah, same." 

The porn shelf is just as amazing as Bellamy promised it would be. It's actually _two_ shelves, and it's all parodies. She didn't even know people were still _releasing_ porn on DVD, let alone putting in the effort into actual coherent parody. It doesn't feel like it can possibly be cost effective. No one can possibly care about production value.

"Holy shit," she says.

"I told you so." He grins. "So, we're definitely watching this, right?"

"Which one?"

"I figured we'd start with the _Lord of the Rings_ one and go from there."

In all honesty, there are all sorts of reasons to say no to that, but she really wants to see what a _Lord of the Rings_ porn parody looks like. And it's going to be a ton of fun to watch it with Bellamy; they're going to heckle the shit out of it.

"Do you have popcorn?" she asks, and he grins.

"What do you think this is, amateur hour?"

Which is how they end up having a weekly _porn night_ , where they order pizza and watch one of Murphy's weird porn parodies, and it's--

It's weird. Clarke _knows_ this is not a normal part of friendship. Watching porn with basically anyone else would be awkward, and part of her doesn't understand why it's _not_ weirder with Bellamy. It's not that she's not into him; she's given up pretending she's not head-over-heels in love with him. But the porn thing is somehow separate from that, in a parallel universe.

Part of it is, of course, that it's just not really that _hot_. She can't tell if it's supposed to be and they're just immune to the appeal of weird costumed porn, or if it's just supposed to be more funny than hot. It is genuinely hard to read the tone of Murphy's parody porn.

He walks in on their fifth porn night, which is incredibly embarrassing, but Clarke has to admit that it might be nice to get the perspective of someone who actually enjoys this.

But all he does is flop down on the couch--way too close, forcing her to press into Bellamy's side--and say, "Man, this is one of my favorites."

"Are you actually into this?" Bellamy asks, squinting at him.

"Oh, me? Nope," Murphy says. "Or not, like, in a jerk-off way. I'm asexual, I just think it's fucking hilarious. Am I helping your sex life? I forgot someone might actually think this was hot. But you guys are wearing clothes, so--"

"Yeah, no, it's hilarious for us too." He repositions, gets his arm around Clarke. "Sorry we've been watching your porn for weeks without telling you."

He makes a show of thinking it over. "Can I have some of your pizza?" 

"Yeah, knock yourself out."

"Cool. Don't tell me if you ever jerk off to any of this, okay? I don't want to know."

"Deal," says Bellamy, and even after Murphy's gone, Clarke stays curled up into his side through the end of the movie. It's almost like they're watching a regular rom-com, just with a slightly worse plot and way more nudity. 

It's a lot like a _date_ , honestly. 

She doesn't give anyone details, not really. Raven teases her for not just making a move, and she can't pretend that's not legit--beyond legit, honestly--but she doesn't really know _how_. They watch porn together. It's ridiculous, unsexy porn. It's just another thing the two of them do, like going to bars and wine tastings and parties. She doesn't know how to leverage it into anything more; nudity being already involved doesn't actually make it easier.

So it's almost a relief when Bellamy does. 

They're watching some _Star Wars_ parody, and it's actually bordering on being, well, sexy. Most of the cast are actually kind of attractive, and Clarke's thinking the female-female scene that's coming is actually going to be pretty hot. They're not neglecting making out and foreplay, which is a big problem for her in porn. Clarke _likes_ build-up.

Which is its own kind of stressful, because the last thing she needs is to actually get turned on while watching porn with her tragically platonic best friend.

"What do you actually like?" he asks, shifting a little as the Han Solo analog makes out with a sexy droid.

"Hm?"

"I assume this kind of porn does it for someone. What kind of porn does it for you?"

She blinks. He's looking at the screen, not making eye contact, but there's a flush creeping up his neck that makes her heart pick up. "I guess I like--people who look more like people? All of the cartoon dicks and fake nails and high heels is just--"

"Weird," he supplies.

"Weird, yeah. And it's not--I like porn where I can imagine it's me, and I've never had sex with anyone while I'm wearing heels and fake nails and way too much makeup."

"That makes one of us," he says, and she laughs.

"Well, you'd look great, obviously."

"Obviously."

"What about you? What do you like?"

"I just like it when everyone looks like they actually want to be there. Which is why this doesn't bum me out."

She laughs. "You just want the porn stars to have a good time?"

"I know it's an incredibly exploitative industry that takes advantage of a lot of people. It's hard to maintain an erection when I'm worrying that someone was coerced into participating or they'd get deported."

Clarke can't help it; she wraps her arms around him, propping her head on his shoulder. "That's adorable."

"Shut up."

"So you don't think any of these people got deported?" 

"They look like they're having fun. Like--even if the sex wasn't good, they probably had a pretty laid-back set."

She has to smile. "This is the cutest thing I've ever heard, honestly. You worry about the health and well-being of porn stars. Now I feel bad for just going on Porn Hub and not thinking about it."

"Yeah." He shifts a little, tugging her closer. "So, uh, you like--girls? Or--"

"I'm pretty good with anything. But--usually girls, yeah. It's easiest. A lot of guy stuff is just--the guys are so ugly."

"It's so straight dudes won't have to worry they're into them." He lets out a harsh breath. "But--this is hot, right?"

She laughs, buries her face against his shoulder. "Yeah. It's actually really hot. I don't know how it happened."

"Murphy's going to be so disappointed in us."

"You're not going to tell him, right?"

"He did specifically say he didn't want to know if I jerked off."

The spark of heat is expected, and the vision of Bellamy, shoving down his pajamas and pulling out his dick, getting himself off with firm, confident strokes is unavoidable.

She swallows, hard, and she's aware of how close they are, how she could shift just a little to straddle his leg. To kiss him, to--

"Are you going to jerk off?" she asks, keeping her voice light. Curious.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and she nearly loses it. But she wants to know what he's going to say.

Ideally, they can make out after.

"I'd rather not jerk off if you're here," he says, deliberate. "I really should have better options."

His hand tangles in her hair as she surges up, and then they're kissing, messy and wet, more desperate than competent, all heat and need and teeth. His other hand slides under the hem of her shirt, tugging her on her hip so she can settle into his lap, pressing him into the couch as the kiss evens out, getting slower and deeper as they find their rhythm.

"Fuck, I can't believe it took nine pornos," he mutters, and she laughs.

"It wouldn't have taken nine pornos if you'd just _asked_ ," she says, trying to get his shirt off without breaking the kiss. It's not physically possible, but she wants way more skin.

She wants _everything_.

"It didn't become a plan until, like, the third one," he says, getting the shirt off himself and kissing her again. "I honestly just thought it would be fun, at first."

"And then?"

"Don't watch porn with the girl you're in love with."

They both freeze for a second, Clarke surprised and Bellamy horrified, but she recovers fast and kisses him again, sweet.

"I'm in love with a boy, so it's not really an issue for me," she says. 

It's still another second before it sinks in, and then he's laughing. "Fuck. Thank god. I thought I screwed up and I was going to have to jerk off alone after all."

"No, definitely not." She slides her hands up his chest. "We should go into your bedroom, though. I don't want Murphy to walk in on us and start critiquing our technique."

"Yeah. Definitely the last thing I want is my roommate seeing this." He worries his lip, jerks his head at the TV. "You don't mind missing the end?"

"We can pick it up after," she says, sliding off his lap so she can pause the DVD. She doesn't look behind her as she goes into his room, just sheds her shirt and pajama bottoms and flops onto his bed. She's been on it before, but never with so few clothes, and never like this.

Never waiting for him.

"Fuck," he says.

"Like what you see?" she teases.

He pushes off his own pajamas, leaving him in just a pair of black boxer briefs. His arousal is clear in the bulge of the fabric, and Clarke sits up just so her eyes can rove over him too, all perfect tan skin and muscle, just like she's always imagined.

So fucking hot.

"Do you have some heels you could put on?" he asks, advancing on the bed, and Clarke laughs.

"Fuck you."

"Absolutely," he agrees, and then they're kissing again, short, biting kisses as his hands rove over her skin, mapping all the unfamiliar places. "What do you like in real life?" he murmurs. "No porn. Just--what you want me to do."

"Whatever you want."

He pushes up her bra, leans in so he can nuzzle and nip, and her hands slide into his hair, holding tight. "I'm just going to do this if you don't tell me anything else. Fuck, Clarke. I have dreams about your breasts."

"How do they hold up?"

"So much better. No comparison." He takes her nipple in her mouth, making her whimper, and when her hips jerk, he fits his own thigh between them, giving her something to press into. "But I want to do stuff for you."

"I don't get how this isn't for me. I have dreams about your mouth. And your hands."

"Not my dick?"

"Everything about you," she says, and he pulls back enough to smile.

"Good."

"What do you like?" 

He laughs. "You."

"You don't get to say I'm not helpful."

He laughs. "Neither of us is helpful. It's fine." He bites the corner of his mouth, but it's not enough to rein in his smile. "Fuck, I don't even care. We've got time, right? We'll do everything."

"Everything we want, yeah."

"Okay," he says, and slides back up to her mouth. "So, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Ride you," she says, without thinking, but his laugh is delighted.

"Yeah?"

"That scene was really hot, okay?"

"I wasn't arguing." His hand drops down between her legs, rubbing her through her underwear, and she whimpers. "Do you want me to get you off first?" he asks. "I don't have to eat you out _now_ , but fuck am I going to eat you out a lot."

"You are?"

He pushes her underwear aside so he can stroke one long finger against her and then dip it in, groaning at the wetness he finds. "I really love eating girls out," he says. "I want to make you scream."

She feels another flood of arousal and knows he feels it too. "Okay. But--after. I want you to fuck me. Please."

"Yeah," he breathes. "Okay."

There's a little scrambling as she gets her underwear and bra off and Bellamy grabs lube and condoms. He flops back on the bed, kicking off his boxers, and Clarke gets her first look at his dick, full and thick and perfect, already hard for her. She swallows and slides closer, letting her fingers trail up the length of him, making him laugh.

"Don't tell me your dick is ticklish," she teases.

"No, just--fuck. I can't believe this is finally happening."

That's a sentiment she can relate to. "I love you too," is what she says, and grabs the condom so she can roll it on him.

It takes her a minute to figure out exactly how long it's been since she last slept with someone--Niylah, nine months ago--but she hasn't been with a guy for even longer than that. She's only consciously been in love with Bellamy for about a year, but even before then, she found other guys had trouble stacking up to her best friend.

"It's been a while," she tells him, as a disclaimer, and he just kisses her.

"Good. Me too."

She sinks down on him slowly, giving herself time to adjust. It's not like she hasn't had anything in her since Niylah--she got herself off last night--but it's always different, when it's a person. And, honestly, he's definitely bigger than her usual. 

"Fuck," he breathes, once she's all the way on him, and she takes another second to breathe before she leans down, presses a kiss to his lips, and says, "Yeah, please."

They find their rhythm quickly, Bellamy's hand resting on her thigh, profanity spilling from his lips as he meets her stroke for stroke. His hair is a mess on the pillow, his face flushed and chest heaving, and the feel of him inside her is so perfect Clarke's half-convinced she's going to wake up and it never happened. She comes for the first time on top of him, waves of pleasure crashing through her, and to her surprise, he pulls her down for a kiss and then flips them over, pounding into her before the first orgasm is even done and drawing a second out before he comes too, mouth open against her neck, breath hot.

She slides her hand back into his hair, rubbing his scalp as they both come down, and he presses his lips against her shoulder.

"Good?" he asks.

"Perfect."

"Yeah, you are."

She slaps his shoulder weakly. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

"Yeah, I heard." He kisses her neck this time. "I love you."

"Good." She takes a few more deep breaths, feeling boneless and overjoyed and almost unreal. "Five minutes and we go finish that porno?"

He laughs against her skin. "So much for the afterglow."

"It had a _plot_ , Bellamy. And I really want to know the endgame pairings. Do the girls stay together? How many of those relationships were incestuous? I have unanswered questions."

"Yeah, okay." He rolls off her, his own expression full of dazed happiness. "Five minutes, and then we get back to the porn."

When Murphy gets back, they're curled together on the couch, fully clothed, with Bellamy's hand in her hair and hers sliding under his shirt. Apparently that's all he needs to connect the dots.

"Which one did it?" he asks.

"The _Star Wars_ one," says Clarke, when she feels Bellamy tense.

"Huh. Weird. I was guessing it was going to be the pirate one. Does this mean you're done stealing my porn for your weird mating rituals?"

She and Bellamy exchange a look, and she shrugs one shoulder. "We don't want to be one of those boring couples who never watches porn together," he says.

"Yeah, that's a major concern," Murphy agrees. "Whatever floats your boat. Have fun, kids."

Next week, they watch some sort of horrific Pokemon parody porn, and it is a genuine relief that despite their upgraded relationship, there is absolutely nothing erotic about it.

But they still have sex after, obviously. They've got this romance thing _down_.


End file.
